Written by Tony Merida and Rick Morton, “Orphanology” is a great way to wade into the multitude of diverse issues surrounding orphan care. Their book takes a particular focus on the role of local congregations in caring for the least of these.

As one would hope, the book addresses a multitude of topics, ranging from adoption theology to foster care, adoption, missions, transitional services and support. The particular strength of Merida and Morton’s book, however, is a focus on the role of church leaders in developing a culture of care in their congregation.

One chapter in particular discusses this issue quite successfully, and challenges pastors and lay leaders alike to work towards developing a sensitivity to these issues in their congregations.

“…A church with an orphan care culture will have ministries, teams, printed materials, media, common language, Bible studies, and regular discussions on the topic. They will pray about orphan care in public and private, develop fellowship groups to discuss it, and host events to bring awareness about it. They will celebrate with couples that adopt. They will support the orphan ministries with passion. The church will have an aroma of Christ’s love for the fatherless.”

You’ll find “Orphanology” littered with concrete advice, stories of actual efforts and ministries and a consistent effort to tie the content to scripture’s mandate found in James 1:27.

• Click here for information about how several West Texas churches have banded together to make a difference for children in foster care.
• Click here to download “Abba, Father. A 30 day devotional guide celebrating the Hope of Family,” a devotional guide created by Buckner for further Biblical study of this issue.
• To find out more about how your church can engage with Buckner, check out our Pure Action website here.

Click on the links below for even more information about agencies who exist to connect congregations with orphan care ministries:

Christian Alliance for Orphans
Embrace, Texas
Hope for Orphans
Tapestry, a ministry of Irving Bible Church

Greg Eubanks is the Buckner Area Vice President for National Operations. As an adoptive parent and an adoptive uncle, he is passionate about how Buckner ministries throughout the U.S. help to build strong families, whether through foster care, adoption or a host of other services that prevent families from ever having to separate. He has been with Buckner since 1994.

Whether they are African-American children in the U.S. foster care system, Chinese children abandoned due to the One-Child-Policy, or orphaned children from Ethiopia or Central America, most of the children in need of forever families are not white.  

This has led to more families considering transracial adoption as a means of beginning or growing their families.  But how do you know if you are up to the challenges of transracial adoption?  Consider these questions:

1. Why do we want to adopt?
It’s hard not to feel a tug at your heartstrings when hearing about the plight of children who have been orphaned, neglected or abused. Yet wanting to help a child alone will be insufficient for success as an adoptive parent. 

It is vital for you to identify a deeply held desire to be a parent and make a lifelong commitment to a child. Children need to know that while you are meeting their need for a family, they are also fulfilling your need to be parents.

2. Does race matter?
Some prospective parents say that they don’t see color and that the race of the child they adopt does not matter. If what these parents mean is that they can love a child of any color, then they are on the path to success.  

But the fact is, race does matter. To help a child begin to take pride in the heritage that God bestowed upon them, we first must see that color and not deny its existence. 

Children of color need to know that their adoption is not “Plan B,” and that their parents were purposeful in adopting them. One day your child will want to hear your reasons for adopting a child of color. 

3. Are we prepared to become and be seen as a multi-racial family?
If you are a Caucasian couple, once you adopt a child of color, you will no longer be a “white” family, but will become a multi-racial family. 

People will notice you.  They may stare, ask harmless questions or make hurtful comments. Can you become an advocate for your child of color without becoming defensive?  You may lose some of the white privilege to which you have become accustomed, without even realizing it existed.   You will need to be able to address racial remarks or bias—wherever they occur, perhaps even in your own extended family.

4. Can we offer children the environment and resources that they will need to embrace their race and deal with the racism that they will face in our society?
Look around you. Will your children see their ethnicity reflected in your world? 

Having friends, neighbors and role models who share their racial background will help children to have a sense of racial pride and belonging in their world. Some families have found a “cultural consultant,” someone who shares their child’s racial background, to be of great help in providing them guidance on everything from hair care to knowing how it feels to be a person of color. Transracial adoptees advise parents to make those racial and cultural connections before your child arrives.

Helpful Resources:
I’m Chocolate, You’re Vanilla, by Marguerite Wright
Dim Sum, Bagels, And Grits:  A Sourcebook for Multicultural Families, by Myra Alberson
Below the Surface, a self-assessment guide for families considering adoption across racial or cultural lines.  It can be ordered from PACT at:  http://www.pactadopt.org/store/Transracial-Adoption-Publications-by-Pact.html

Carol Demuth currently works with Buckner Children & Family Services in Dallas as Foster Care/Adoption Supervisor.  She is a licensed clinical social worker, a certified mediator and a licensed child placing administrator with the State of Texas.  She joined the Buckner staff in 1998.

1. Domestic infant adoption – adopting a newborn from a birth mom facing a crisis pregnancy.

2. Foster to Adopt – accepting placement of a child from the foster care system with hopes to adopt that child when and if he or she becomes available for adoption.  Typically for younger ages, but can be for children of all ages.

3. Waiting Child Adoption – adopting a child from the foster care system who is already legally available for adoption.  Typically for older children, sibling groups and those with special needs.

4. International Adoption – adopting a child from another country.  For children of all ages, including sibling groups and special needs.

So, how do you know which path to take?  It’s a personal decision, but here are some questions to ask yourself while you pray, educate yourself and prepare to decide:

1. How much risk can I tolerate? Though all adoption involves risk, each type involves different types of risk. Can I risk a birth mom choosing to parent? Can I risk an international government changing their laws? Can I risk parenting a child with challenging behaviors and a history of trauma?

2. How much can I afford? Some adoptions cost in the thousands of dollars while others cost very little. Certainly, financial aid is frequently available as well as tax credits for adoption costs.

3. What type of child can I best parent? Older or younger? Sibling group or single? Am I
open to a child of a different ethnicity than my own? What level of special needs can I meet?

4. What is my motivation? Why am I pursuing adoption, and what impact does that have on the specific avenue I choose for my adoption journey?

5. To what extent does my faith play a part in my decision? Do I feel compelled towards one type of adoption over another because of my spiritual beliefs? Has God called me to a particular choice for adoption?

Ask yourself these questions, and if you’re ready to learn more, attend a “Be a Family” meeting in your area. At these meetings, you’ll meet other interested families and will connect with professional Buckner staff who can talk you through the different options.

And after all of that, be flexible. At Buckner, we believe that if you’re interested in adoption, then God will lead you through to the best option for your family. He will provide throughout the journey, with all of its stops and starts, lows and highs. Are you ready?

Greg Eubanks is the Buckner Area Vice President for National Operations. As an adoptive parent and an adoptive uncle, he is passionate about how Buckner ministries throughout the U.S. help to build strong families, whether through foster care, adoption or a host of other services that prevent families from ever having to separate. He has been with Buckner since 1994.

“Bringing a child home through adoption is as joyful, if not more so, for the family as having biological children, and we want our friends and family to prepare with us and celebrate with us as they would for a biological child (shower, a card, etc.). My biological children have baby books full of cards that came when they arrived, along with many photos. My adopted child has two cards in his album. I worry that someday he will notice the difference and wonder why.”
- Lori Risinger Heinrich

“Be sensitive—if that family has had the child two years or two months or two days, the adoption day is still just as special.”
- Veronica Adkison Rountree

What you can do: Send a card, give a shower or hold a reception or small party. If you have a gift for photography, offer to take some family portraits.

2. Help around the house
When parents bring home a newborn from the hospital, they’re often met with lots of helping hands. Adoptive families need just as much help as parents of newborns! You can bless them by sharing some of your extra time and energy.

“We have friends that bring meals when we least expect it! They help so much when we are just trying to adjust with a new one!”
- Kara Guinn Curfman

What you can do: Bring over a home cooked meal, clean their bathrooms, do a load of laundry, mow their yard – anything that will give the family some relief from the pressures of daily life and more time to focus on bonding and adjusting.

3. Cut them some slack
Don’t expect a new adoptive family to be able to keep all the commitments they used to, no matter what age their new child is.

Mom and Dad are exhausted, and their child is learning how to live in a family, and even a new culture. Social situations can be overwhelming for everyone involved, and those obligations usually have to be put on hold until life at home settles down.

What you can do: Don’t be upset or hurt if calls or e-mails aren’t returned. Let it slide and know that life will return to normal eventually.

4. Listen, listen, listen
Adoptive families have unique challenges and struggles. Give them space to share frustrations and vent without feeling judged.

“I was thankful to have people who allowed me to pour out my heart without making me feel as if I had betrayed my child or didn’t appreciate the incredible gift and blessing I’d been given. They gave me an outlet, which gave me the strength to be what my child needed as he learned to trust me.”
- Lori Risinger Heinrich

What you can do: Cry with the new family in the heartaches and celebrate with them in the triumphs. You may get tired of hearing the same problems over and over again, but the family needs your support and love.

5. Give Mom and Dad a breather
Many adoptive parents will hardly have time to think straight or sometimes even take a shower, much less any quality alone time to enjoy each other’s company.

“[What blessed me was] giving me a break and taking him to park as I was adjusting to parenthood. Just being there and loving our family as our lives changed.”
- Kari Forrest Hunt

What you can do: Come over and babysit for the new parents. If it’s too soon for the kids to be alone with a sitter, offer to come over after the children are asleep so that parents can take a short walk or have a coffee date.

Four Things That Should Be Left Unsaid:

1. Don’t give unsolicited parenting advice.
This is particularly true for parents who have adopted older children or foster children. If you haven’t parented a child who has lived through trauma, you can’t know what’s best for that child. Don’t offer suggestions or advice unless they ask you for it.

2. Don’t ask about the child’s past.
“We are proud of [our son] and all he’s overcome. We long to tell you EVERYTHING about what a miracle he is, but the story is our child’s to tell, not ours. When the questions become prying and personal, it is very uncomfortable for us. We don’t want to hurt your feelings, but for our child, we have to find a nice way to tell you it’s none of your business.”
- Lori Risinger Heinrich

3. Don’t ask, “Which children are yours?”
Biological or adopted, it makes no difference. All of the children are theirs.

4. Don’t comment on a child’s appearance or ethnicity in front of him or her.
“If my child looks different than the rest of the family, chances are we’ve already noticed, and chances are he has too. Hearing constant comments about it does not help him to feel like he belongs.”
- Lori Risinger Heinrich

Do you have other suggestions for ways to bless new adoptive families? Leave them in the comments below!

We have enough daily bread in our homes to feed a small army, usually. If not, we can run to the store and pick some up. How many people around the world pray these words in earnest, gut wrenching hunger: “Lord, please give us this day, today, the bread we need to survive another day”?

Why did we adopt from Ethiopia? Because God has given us our daily bread and asked us to share it with others. Because 1 in 10 children in Ethiopia is an orphan. Because this summer, in the Horn of Africa, 29,000 children under the age of 6 died of starvation, and that’s not the first time.

Why adopt at all? God calls us to love and to give and to share our lives with others. The question really should be, “Why not adopt?”

There are 147,000,000 orphans in the world. That’s 147 million children without a family to love them, tuck them in at night, sing songs, read them stories, take them to church, make them laugh, kiss their injuries, celebrate birthdays or feed them their daily bread.

There are 147 million children ready and willing to love a family, to make them laugh, make them cry with complete joy, celebrate Mothers Day and Fathers Day, fight with siblings, play with the family pet, bring home great grades, help set the table, sing songs they learned in Sunday School and eat their daily bread.

The love goes both ways. People always tell us our daughter is so blessed, so lucky. We see it the other way as well. She has blessed us and brought us more joy and love then we ever imagined. She is our daughter and while her skin may be a darker shade of brown than her mom or dad, her heart and her insides are just like ours. Family doesn’t mean you all look just alike, just that you love each other as God loves.  Who is missing from your family? 

Sharon Kirkpatrick Felton and her husband, Keith, live in Hamilton, Texas. They adopted their 3-year-old daughter from Ethiopia in 2009 through Buckner. They have two biological sons who are 10 and 7 years old.

Though not spoken, I know the word she was going to use.  It was the word “yours.”  Based on this line of thinking, a DNA link would somehow place this child into a higher class of belonging.  It was as if I were to be overjoyed at my genetic signature passing on to the next generation. I can tell you with certainty this is a flawed approach. In reality, I’ve passed on lots of imperfect qualities including: male pattern baldness, an inability to outrun your garden variety turtle, and a propensity for Oreos and milk.

All of that aside, it causes me to reflect on what it means to call a child “yours.”  I can remember our child falling asleep during landing after screaming the entire flight from Orlando to Dallas.  Given a chance I might have denied she was mine as weary fellow travellers exited the plane.  On the other hand, there have  been those times when the mixture of pride and joy have welled up inside to the point that my body could no longer contain it only to find  release through cheers or the tears that rolled down my face.    In those moments I wanted everyone to know that these were my children.  These experiences have nothing to do with a biological sameness, or a shared ancestry – but they have everything to do with them being mine. 

Shannon and I consider the two younger individuals who live in our home our children based on our relationship with them.  Our love is not dependent on their gene pool, but instead on our unconditional acceptance of them. They should never be made to feel as if they must earn this acceptance or that our love for them is conditional or temporary.  

In this way, a parent-child relationship is a microcosm of the relationship we have with our Heavenly Father.  We have done nothing to deserve His love, the truth be told we spend lots of time doing things that drive us further away from Him.  The Psalmist expresses our ambition when he writes: “let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you O Lord” (Ps 19:14 NIV) but Paul addresses the too often reality of “I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate.”  (Romans 7:15 NLT)  Yet in all of this we experience the grace and mercy of God in that He continually seeks us out and desires a relationship with us.

I did not correct the well meaning parishioner that night, but neither did I discard the conversation.  I want it to serve as a reminder of what it means for these children to be mine.   They are not mine in the same way one would own property, but in the way that I am responsible for them.  I want to have a deeper relationship with them and to try to show them the same grace and mercy that I need to be shown.  This means that whether I’m teaching them how to ride a bike, discovering the hidden stash of dirty socks under the sofa, drying tears, or explaining how to accept God’s gift of salvation through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, through all the ups and all the downs – they’re mine.

David Ummel is administrator for Buckner Children and Family Services in Longview, Texas.

Last fall, she mourned those dimming slices of the familiar. And I’m sure she will again.

You can only miss what you’ve had. And now – just lately – she’s twice expressed what she’s missing here.

On the last day of school, she drew her teacher (Mrs. Deshotel) a parting picture. No one requested this gift of her, and she didn’t copy anyone’s wording. She created the drawing and text all by herself. Her teacher cried over it, and I nearly did myself.

Then last night, she was all fidgety and cranky and finally looked at me and puddled up with a pitiful, “Mom, I miss Rachel.”

I swept her into my arms as we called Rachel,  who is spending 10 days with good friends in Houston. Turns out Rachel was really missing Julia, too. So they talked about that while I waited nearby in anticipation of rocking Julia to sleep.

This led to the beginning of our family’s adoption journey—-a journey that would stretch our faith and finances and take us to the very limits of ourselves. As we waited three and a half years to bring our precious Maria home, watching her grow up in pictures without her family, we often questioned God’s purposes.

During one of the lowest points of our wait, plagued by concerns of whether or not her adoption could be completed, someone asked what would be the worst outcome from this experience. Without hesitation I answered, “That Maria would never come home.”

I pondered and prayed over my answer and realized the worst that could happen would be if Maria never met her Savior and spent eternity separated from him. My attitude changed and I began praying first for Maria’s salvation and second that we would be blessed to be the family that would lead her to Christ.

It’s been more than four years since Maria joined our family and nearly three years ago our prayers were answered with Maria’s baptism on Jan. 4, 2009. Not only will we have the blessing of sharing this life with her, but eternity as well.

I’m in awe of a God who loves so deeply that he would go to such great lengths for one life. Before Maria’s life even began God knew that this would be her story—-that we would be her family and that she would be his child. I’m blessed that he would use someone as flawed as me as his tool, and I’m sobered by the thought that we could have disobeyed.

“The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.” 2 Peter 3:9

Stacie Chalupka and her husband, Don, live in Little Rock, Ark. They have four children, and they adopted their daughter, Maria, from Guatemala through Buckner in 2007.

The first time Sarah and Kevin Dildine met their 4-year-old son Jasper in a Russian orphanage, he sat and played with a toy truck, not making any noises or sound effects like most kids. He rarely spoke.

Now, according to his mother, Jasper dances and bounces everywhere he goes.

“When I watch him, I think, ‘This neat little personality was in there all this time, but we are just now getting to see it. He is just now realizing that he can play and be a kid and be the person he is,’” Sarah Dildine said.

The Dildines, who live in Hughes Springs, Texas, brought Jasper home May 6. They started the process in June 2010 with case workers from Buckner Adoption and Maternity Services. Although for many families the adoption process can take years, Russian adoptions currently move faster than other international countries, said Debbie Wynne, director of Buckner Adoption and Maternity Services.

Overwhelming need for families

Russia first attempts to place children domestically before they can be adopted internationally. They must remain on the domestic adoption list for 12 months, which is why it’s difficult to adopt infants from Russia, according to Wynne.

“The need is so overwhelming in Russia,” Wynne said. “When you think international adoption is the last option, and they’re living in an institution, they’re already in a bad situation.”

Children as young as 11 to 12 months are available for adoption from Russia, which wasn’t always the case with Buckner adoptions. However, the need is still greatest for older children.

Russian children age out of the orphanage system at age 16 or 17, and unfortunately, many aren’t well-prepared for adulthood. About 10,000 children graduate from the system each year. Of that, 8,500 resort to a world of crime and prostitution. Five hundred commit suicide in the first year, said Irina Young, program director for Buckner Adoption and Maternity Services in Russia and Honduras.

Younger children available

The Dildines knew they wanted a younger child when they started the adoption process. At first, they wanted one under the age of two. But after attending informational meetings with Buckner representatives, they upped their age limit. They said they’re glad they did because just a few weeks later, Jasper turned three.

“We’ve had to turn some children away because we don’t have enough families,” Wynne said. “For families that are open to age and gender preferences and health risks, it’s amazing how quickly their process can go. You hope it’s a couple that’s prayerfully considering their heart.”

Buckner’s ‘Angels from Abroad’ program, where Russian orphans stayed with families in the U.S. for two weeks to learn about American culture and what it’s like to be in a family, was postponed in February 2011 due to recent changes in Russian law governing overseas hosting programs. The program resulted in many adoptions, but since it’s been postponed, there are fewer families in the process to adopt Russian orphans right now.

In 2011, Buckner placed 22 children with adoptive families, ranging from 12 months to 12 years, Young said.

Education is key

Buckner, along with the Dildines, encourages families thinking about adoption to do their research, especially when it comes to potential medical issues.

“They need to educate themselves and explore those medical issues they hear about. It might sound serious but could be something easily treatable in the U.S., however, not as easy to treat in a Russian orphanage,” Young said.

There are independent pediatricians in Russia that Buckner uses for secondary medical examinations and opinions when the family requests it.

A new bilateral agreement regarding adoptions between the United States and Russia will not change the adoption process, but allows both countries to come together on an agreement of “best practices,” Wynne said.

Under the agreement, only adoption agencies authorized by the Russian government, like Buckner, will be able to operate in Russia and provide services in adoptions covered by the agreement.

This will largely eliminate independent adoptions from Russia and create a better defined framework for intercountry adoptions between the United States and Russia.  The agreement also includes provisions designed to improve post-adoption reporting and monitoring and to ensure that prospective adoptive parents receive more complete information about adoptive children’s social and medical histories and anticipated needs.  

Logistics are doable

Another concern for prospective adoptive parents is the cost of adoption and the travel involved. Russia requires two to three trips, in addition to the paperwork with three different government agencies. There are many funding options available for families, including Buckner scholarships and outside grants.

“I knew that this whole process was out of my control and would drive me crazy if I let it,” Dildine said. “However, I knew that the one thing I did have control over was how quickly I did my paperwork, so that is what I chose to focus on.

“Another hard part of the process is, once you get your referral, waiting to get your travel dates and then waiting on your court dates … You just have to remember that everything is happening according to God’s plan and try not to dwell on your own plans.”

Wynne said some families feel daunted with multiple trips to Russia, but that there’s a value in being able to meet the child and get acquainted before the adoption is finalized.

To learn more about Russian adoptions through Buckner Adoption and Maternity Services, visit www.beafamily.org or www.dillonadopt.com.

Approximately 80% of I-600 petitions submitted to the U.S. Embassy in Addis Ababa in recent months were incomplete, contained inconsistencies or errors, or did not contain sufficient evidence to document the child as an orphan under U.S. law. In addition, the Embassy continues to see cases which involve abandoned children but do not include sufficient evidence to document the abandonment and/or evidence of appropriate efforts to locate a child’s birth family. The Embassy also has received evidence of unethical recruitment of children from birth relatives and cases involving known birth parents from whom parental rights have not been severed by the Ethiopian courts. In these cases, consular officers in Addis will need to take additional measures to confirm that a child meets the legal definition of orphan, which could delay processing by several months.

The Department of State and USCIS remind all families interested in adopting from Ethiopia that consular officers are required to forward any I-600 petition that is not “clearly approvable” to the USCIS Field Office in Nairobi for adjudication.

For families that already have an I-600 petition on file at the U.S. Embassy in Addis Ababa, consular staff will advise them when a determination is made to approve the petition and the case may be scheduled for an immigrant visa interview in Addis Ababa, or when the petition is not “clearly approvable” and forwarded to USCIS Nairobi for adjudication. Upon receipt of a petition, USCIS in Nairobi will notify the parents that the case has been received and issue any requests for additional evidence if necessary. Families can find more information about processing I-600 petitions referred to USCIS Nairobi at www.USCIS.gov under “Adoption/Country Information.”

It should be noted that, although this update specifically addresses I-600 petitions filed with the U.S. Embassy in Addis Ababa, USCIS sees similar problems with I-600 petitions filed with the USCIS National Benefits Center (NBC). Families can contact NBC at NBC.Adoptions@dhs.gov.

If families have concerns about their adoption, we ask that they share this information with the Embassy, particularly if it involves possible fraud or misconduct specific to their cases. The Embassy takes all allegations of fraud or misconduct seriously.

The best way to contact the Embassy on issues related to adoption is by email at ConsAdoptionAddis@state.gov. Please include your name, your child’s name, your adoption agency, the date of the adoption (month and year), and, if possible, the immigrant visa case number for your child’s case (this number begins with the letters ADD followed by several numbers and can be found on any document sent to you by the National Visa Center). Please let us know if we have your permission to share concerns about your specific case with Ethiopian government officials and any other person or entity.

We strongly encourage you to register any complaint that you may have about an adoption agency in the following ways:

• You may file a complaint with the state licensing authority where your adoption agency is licensed and conducts business. The Child Welfare Information Gateway, which is maintained by the Department of Health and Human Services, provides such a list at the link below: http://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/reslist/rl_dsp.cfm?rs_id=15&rate_chno=AZ-0008E

• You may also file a report with the state’s Better Business Bureau. Following is the link to the Better Business Bureau’s website where you may file a complaint on-line: https://odr.bbb.org/odrweb/public/getstarted.aspx

• If your agency is a Hague-accredited adoption service provider, you may file a complaint on the Hague Complaint Registry located at the link below. While Ethiopia is not a Convention country, the ASP’ practice in a non-Convention country may impact its substantial compliance. http://adoption.state.gov/hague_convention/agency_accreditation/complaints.php

The U.S. Embassy continues to work with the Government of Ethiopia to ensure that appropriate safeguards exist to protect prospective adoptive children, their birth parents, and prospective adoptive parents.

We encourage prospective and adoptive parents to remain in contact with their adoption service provider to stay up-to-date on any information pertinent to their individual case. The Department will post relevant information on www.adoption.state.gov as we receive it.