Written by Tony Merida and Rick Morton, “Orphanology” is a great way to wade into the multitude of diverse issues surrounding orphan care. Their book takes a particular focus on the role of local congregations in caring for the least of these.

As one would hope, the book addresses a multitude of topics, ranging from adoption theology to foster care, adoption, missions, transitional services and support. The particular strength of Merida and Morton’s book, however, is a focus on the role of church leaders in developing a culture of care in their congregation.

One chapter in particular discusses this issue quite successfully, and challenges pastors and lay leaders alike to work towards developing a sensitivity to these issues in their congregations.

“…A church with an orphan care culture will have ministries, teams, printed materials, media, common language, Bible studies, and regular discussions on the topic. They will pray about orphan care in public and private, develop fellowship groups to discuss it, and host events to bring awareness about it. They will celebrate with couples that adopt. They will support the orphan ministries with passion. The church will have an aroma of Christ’s love for the fatherless.”

You’ll find “Orphanology” littered with concrete advice, stories of actual efforts and ministries and a consistent effort to tie the content to scripture’s mandate found in James 1:27.

• Click here for information about how several West Texas churches have banded together to make a difference for children in foster care.
• Click here to download “Abba, Father. A 30 day devotional guide celebrating the Hope of Family,” a devotional guide created by Buckner for further Biblical study of this issue.
• To find out more about how your church can engage with Buckner, check out our Pure Action website here.

Click on the links below for even more information about agencies who exist to connect congregations with orphan care ministries:

Christian Alliance for Orphans
Embrace, Texas
Hope for Orphans
Tapestry, a ministry of Irving Bible Church

Greg Eubanks is the Buckner Area Vice President for National Operations. As an adoptive parent and an adoptive uncle, he is passionate about how Buckner ministries throughout the U.S. help to build strong families, whether through foster care, adoption or a host of other services that prevent families from ever having to separate. He has been with Buckner since 1994.

Whether they are African-American children in the U.S. foster care system, Chinese children abandoned due to the One-Child-Policy, or orphaned children from Ethiopia or Central America, most of the children in need of forever families are not white.  

This has led to more families considering transracial adoption as a means of beginning or growing their families.  But how do you know if you are up to the challenges of transracial adoption?  Consider these questions:

1. Why do we want to adopt?
It’s hard not to feel a tug at your heartstrings when hearing about the plight of children who have been orphaned, neglected or abused. Yet wanting to help a child alone will be insufficient for success as an adoptive parent. 

It is vital for you to identify a deeply held desire to be a parent and make a lifelong commitment to a child. Children need to know that while you are meeting their need for a family, they are also fulfilling your need to be parents.

2. Does race matter?
Some prospective parents say that they don’t see color and that the race of the child they adopt does not matter. If what these parents mean is that they can love a child of any color, then they are on the path to success.  

But the fact is, race does matter. To help a child begin to take pride in the heritage that God bestowed upon them, we first must see that color and not deny its existence. 

Children of color need to know that their adoption is not “Plan B,” and that their parents were purposeful in adopting them. One day your child will want to hear your reasons for adopting a child of color. 

3. Are we prepared to become and be seen as a multi-racial family?
If you are a Caucasian couple, once you adopt a child of color, you will no longer be a “white” family, but will become a multi-racial family. 

People will notice you.  They may stare, ask harmless questions or make hurtful comments. Can you become an advocate for your child of color without becoming defensive?  You may lose some of the white privilege to which you have become accustomed, without even realizing it existed.   You will need to be able to address racial remarks or bias—wherever they occur, perhaps even in your own extended family.

4. Can we offer children the environment and resources that they will need to embrace their race and deal with the racism that they will face in our society?
Look around you. Will your children see their ethnicity reflected in your world? 

Having friends, neighbors and role models who share their racial background will help children to have a sense of racial pride and belonging in their world. Some families have found a “cultural consultant,” someone who shares their child’s racial background, to be of great help in providing them guidance on everything from hair care to knowing how it feels to be a person of color. Transracial adoptees advise parents to make those racial and cultural connections before your child arrives.

Helpful Resources:
I’m Chocolate, You’re Vanilla, by Marguerite Wright
Dim Sum, Bagels, And Grits:  A Sourcebook for Multicultural Families, by Myra Alberson
Below the Surface, a self-assessment guide for families considering adoption across racial or cultural lines.  It can be ordered from PACT at:  http://www.pactadopt.org/store/Transracial-Adoption-Publications-by-Pact.html

Carol Demuth currently works with Buckner Children & Family Services in Dallas as Foster Care/Adoption Supervisor.  She is a licensed clinical social worker, a certified mediator and a licensed child placing administrator with the State of Texas.  She joined the Buckner staff in 1998.

1. Domestic infant adoption – adopting a newborn from a birth mom facing a crisis pregnancy.

2. Foster to Adopt – accepting placement of a child from the foster care system with hopes to adopt that child when and if he or she becomes available for adoption.  Typically for younger ages, but can be for children of all ages.

3. Waiting Child Adoption – adopting a child from the foster care system who is already legally available for adoption.  Typically for older children, sibling groups and those with special needs.

4. International Adoption – adopting a child from another country.  For children of all ages, including sibling groups and special needs.

So, how do you know which path to take?  It’s a personal decision, but here are some questions to ask yourself while you pray, educate yourself and prepare to decide:

1. How much risk can I tolerate? Though all adoption involves risk, each type involves different types of risk. Can I risk a birth mom choosing to parent? Can I risk an international government changing their laws? Can I risk parenting a child with challenging behaviors and a history of trauma?

2. How much can I afford? Some adoptions cost in the thousands of dollars while others cost very little. Certainly, financial aid is frequently available as well as tax credits for adoption costs.

3. What type of child can I best parent? Older or younger? Sibling group or single? Am I
open to a child of a different ethnicity than my own? What level of special needs can I meet?

4. What is my motivation? Why am I pursuing adoption, and what impact does that have on the specific avenue I choose for my adoption journey?

5. To what extent does my faith play a part in my decision? Do I feel compelled towards one type of adoption over another because of my spiritual beliefs? Has God called me to a particular choice for adoption?

Ask yourself these questions, and if you’re ready to learn more, attend a “Be a Family” meeting in your area. At these meetings, you’ll meet other interested families and will connect with professional Buckner staff who can talk you through the different options.

And after all of that, be flexible. At Buckner, we believe that if you’re interested in adoption, then God will lead you through to the best option for your family. He will provide throughout the journey, with all of its stops and starts, lows and highs. Are you ready?

Greg Eubanks is the Buckner Area Vice President for National Operations. As an adoptive parent and an adoptive uncle, he is passionate about how Buckner ministries throughout the U.S. help to build strong families, whether through foster care, adoption or a host of other services that prevent families from ever having to separate. He has been with Buckner since 1994.

By Chelsea Quackenbush
Photos by Lauren Hollon Sturdy
Buckner International

BEAUMONT – Dave “Daddy Dave” Bleakley first met Amelia by chance at a Buckner Children’s Village reunion in Beaumont. Two-week-old Amelia was the youngest alumna and Daddy Dave was the oldest. Buckner staff thought it would make a cool photo, so they placed the tiny girl in his arms.

“What’s her name?” he asked.

“Amelia.”

His eyes welled with tears. His late wife, known fondly as “Mama Anne,” never let anyone call her by her real name – Amelia Anne Bleakley. At the time, no one knew that circumstances over the next few months would bring them back together.

Daddy Dave’s story

Daddy Dave is a Buckner alumnus and one of its greatest advocates. He lived at the Buckner Orphans Home in Dallas with his older brother and sister in the 1940s when he was just 4 years old.

Raised in a broken home in southeast Arkansas, and then shuffled between family members all over Texas, a pastor in Port Arthur found them a place at Buckner.

He vividly recalls wanting to break out of the fence that surrounded the campus. He knew it was the only thing separating him from happiness. So when Buckner staff asked him what they could do to get him to stop crying, he said he wanted to play outside. His plan was to escape when no one was looking.

Little did Daddy Dave know, the staff knew what he was up to. So they held him close the whole time until he calmed down.

“Nothing can fill the void like love, and that’s what they did,” Daddy Dave said. “We believed it was important to teach Jenn [his daughter] that message because that’s what Buckner taught us.”

According to Buckner staff, Daddy Dave puts a smile on everyone’s face when he walks through the door. He encourages Buckner children by sharing his story.

Parenting with grace

Daddy Dave’s daughter, Jennifer Guerra, and her husband Ricky, decided to become foster parents after their birth daughter, Avery Anne, passed away in 2008 at the age of 4 due to complications with complex congenital heart disease.

“We knew she was just the girl God decided her to be,” Jennifer said. “But we knew we couldn’t have more kids, so Buckner was our only option.”

The day they received their foster parent certification, the Guerras got the call about taking Amelia in for a 14-day respite period when she was 4 months old. Her previous foster mother was sick and couldn’t care for her. The emergency placement turned long-term, and soon after, Amelia became available for adoption. Everything else fell into place.

Jenn and Ricky had two other foster daughters, Elizabeth, who was 5 at the time, and Zoey, who was 2. They said Amelia was stiff and reserved at first. She startled at loud noises. But it didn’t take long to become part of the family, and soon she warmed up to the other girls.

“You just had this certainty in your heart that God is moving, which is unusual in this field because everything is so uncertain,” Beaumont director of foster care and adoption Samela Macon said. “Daddy Dave taught Jenn how to serve. He has a servant’s heart. The Guerras have made a tremendous difference in the lives of the children they fostered.”

Daddy’s girl

Now Amelia is a “daddy’s girl.” Her face lights up when Ricky gets home from work in the evening. Her first word was “Dada.” Everyone says they look alike.

“That’s the sweetest thing, seeing the Lord fill that void they had,” Daddy Dave said. “It was affirmation that it was the Lord, his hand in the beautiful tapestry he’s woven.

“The wonder of all wonder is that God would choose to bless our family through the life of another little girl with my late wife as her namesake. She favors little Avery Anne and acts like Mama Anne. And to think that our Lord would choose to perform such an act of mercy through the same Buckner ministry he used 67 years ago to rescue my life as a 4-year-old child. Only he can perform such miracles.”

The Guerras have postponed their position as foster parents because in December, they will have another unexpected addition to their family – Jennifer is pregnant with a little boy, Noah Blake.

Amelia bounces around the room, between her parents and Daddy Dave, smiling and showing them her baby dolls.

“She’s theirs now,” Daddy Dave said. “But I always tell them ‘I held her first.’”

This story originally appeared in the Fall 2011 Edition of Buckner Today.

“Bringing a child home through adoption is as joyful, if not more so, for the family as having biological children, and we want our friends and family to prepare with us and celebrate with us as they would for a biological child (shower, a card, etc.). My biological children have baby books full of cards that came when they arrived, along with many photos. My adopted child has two cards in his album. I worry that someday he will notice the difference and wonder why.”
- Lori Risinger Heinrich

“Be sensitive—if that family has had the child two years or two months or two days, the adoption day is still just as special.”
- Veronica Adkison Rountree

What you can do: Send a card, give a shower or hold a reception or small party. If you have a gift for photography, offer to take some family portraits.

2. Help around the house
When parents bring home a newborn from the hospital, they’re often met with lots of helping hands. Adoptive families need just as much help as parents of newborns! You can bless them by sharing some of your extra time and energy.

“We have friends that bring meals when we least expect it! They help so much when we are just trying to adjust with a new one!”
- Kara Guinn Curfman

What you can do: Bring over a home cooked meal, clean their bathrooms, do a load of laundry, mow their yard – anything that will give the family some relief from the pressures of daily life and more time to focus on bonding and adjusting.

3. Cut them some slack
Don’t expect a new adoptive family to be able to keep all the commitments they used to, no matter what age their new child is.

Mom and Dad are exhausted, and their child is learning how to live in a family, and even a new culture. Social situations can be overwhelming for everyone involved, and those obligations usually have to be put on hold until life at home settles down.

What you can do: Don’t be upset or hurt if calls or e-mails aren’t returned. Let it slide and know that life will return to normal eventually.

4. Listen, listen, listen
Adoptive families have unique challenges and struggles. Give them space to share frustrations and vent without feeling judged.

“I was thankful to have people who allowed me to pour out my heart without making me feel as if I had betrayed my child or didn’t appreciate the incredible gift and blessing I’d been given. They gave me an outlet, which gave me the strength to be what my child needed as he learned to trust me.”
- Lori Risinger Heinrich

What you can do: Cry with the new family in the heartaches and celebrate with them in the triumphs. You may get tired of hearing the same problems over and over again, but the family needs your support and love.

5. Give Mom and Dad a breather
Many adoptive parents will hardly have time to think straight or sometimes even take a shower, much less any quality alone time to enjoy each other’s company.

“[What blessed me was] giving me a break and taking him to park as I was adjusting to parenthood. Just being there and loving our family as our lives changed.”
- Kari Forrest Hunt

What you can do: Come over and babysit for the new parents. If it’s too soon for the kids to be alone with a sitter, offer to come over after the children are asleep so that parents can take a short walk or have a coffee date.

Four Things That Should Be Left Unsaid:

1. Don’t give unsolicited parenting advice.
This is particularly true for parents who have adopted older children or foster children. If you haven’t parented a child who has lived through trauma, you can’t know what’s best for that child. Don’t offer suggestions or advice unless they ask you for it.

2. Don’t ask about the child’s past.
“We are proud of [our son] and all he’s overcome. We long to tell you EVERYTHING about what a miracle he is, but the story is our child’s to tell, not ours. When the questions become prying and personal, it is very uncomfortable for us. We don’t want to hurt your feelings, but for our child, we have to find a nice way to tell you it’s none of your business.”
- Lori Risinger Heinrich

3. Don’t ask, “Which children are yours?”
Biological or adopted, it makes no difference. All of the children are theirs.

4. Don’t comment on a child’s appearance or ethnicity in front of him or her.
“If my child looks different than the rest of the family, chances are we’ve already noticed, and chances are he has too. Hearing constant comments about it does not help him to feel like he belongs.”
- Lori Risinger Heinrich

Do you have other suggestions for ways to bless new adoptive families? Leave them in the comments below!

Though not spoken, I know the word she was going to use.  It was the word “yours.”  Based on this line of thinking, a DNA link would somehow place this child into a higher class of belonging.  It was as if I were to be overjoyed at my genetic signature passing on to the next generation. I can tell you with certainty this is a flawed approach. In reality, I’ve passed on lots of imperfect qualities including: male pattern baldness, an inability to outrun your garden variety turtle, and a propensity for Oreos and milk.

All of that aside, it causes me to reflect on what it means to call a child “yours.”  I can remember our child falling asleep during landing after screaming the entire flight from Orlando to Dallas.  Given a chance I might have denied she was mine as weary fellow travellers exited the plane.  On the other hand, there have  been those times when the mixture of pride and joy have welled up inside to the point that my body could no longer contain it only to find  release through cheers or the tears that rolled down my face.    In those moments I wanted everyone to know that these were my children.  These experiences have nothing to do with a biological sameness, or a shared ancestry – but they have everything to do with them being mine. 

Shannon and I consider the two younger individuals who live in our home our children based on our relationship with them.  Our love is not dependent on their gene pool, but instead on our unconditional acceptance of them. They should never be made to feel as if they must earn this acceptance or that our love for them is conditional or temporary.  

In this way, a parent-child relationship is a microcosm of the relationship we have with our Heavenly Father.  We have done nothing to deserve His love, the truth be told we spend lots of time doing things that drive us further away from Him.  The Psalmist expresses our ambition when he writes: “let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you O Lord” (Ps 19:14 NIV) but Paul addresses the too often reality of “I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate.”  (Romans 7:15 NLT)  Yet in all of this we experience the grace and mercy of God in that He continually seeks us out and desires a relationship with us.

I did not correct the well meaning parishioner that night, but neither did I discard the conversation.  I want it to serve as a reminder of what it means for these children to be mine.   They are not mine in the same way one would own property, but in the way that I am responsible for them.  I want to have a deeper relationship with them and to try to show them the same grace and mercy that I need to be shown.  This means that whether I’m teaching them how to ride a bike, discovering the hidden stash of dirty socks under the sofa, drying tears, or explaining how to accept God’s gift of salvation through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, through all the ups and all the downs – they’re mine.

David Ummel is administrator for Buckner Children and Family Services in Longview, Texas.

Before I began this process I used to think, “How could someone give away a baby to me?” I remember asking many people over the year who had adopted how someone could give away a child.

I learned that no child is ever given away. I realized that behind every child that is adopted, there was someone who made a plan for their life. This was a very special plan that involved giving this child life—-even allowing them a full life.

Paul writes: “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, just as he has chosen us before the foundation of the world, that we would be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ to himself, according to the kind intention of his will.” Ephesians 1:3-5 (NKJV)

We are adopted in Christ. Adoption expresses a change of nature and change of relation. To be adopted is to be brought into a divine family. This is now our identity. We are adopted by God by his decree. It is not accidental or an afterthought, because it is the placing as a son and a daughter. The dual meaning is full standing in the family with a future and inheritance.

God has blessed us, so in return we bless him. We are blessed from our past, we are redeemed in the present and we have a complete inheritance in our future.

Just as someone made a plan to give life to my two kids, God has made a tremendous plan for our lives. He has chosen us to have full standing in the family of God. Nathan and Anna have full standing in our family, and we, as believers, have full standing in Christ. 

John and Jackie Bodine live in Mobile, Ala., where John is the student minister at West Mobile Baptist Church and Jackie is a nurse. They have adopted two children, Nathan and Anna, through Buckner

By Jenny Pope
Buckner International

The Duncan twins couldn’t be more different.

Aaron, 2, is mechanical and hands-on. He loves taking things apart and putting them back together, playing outside and snuggling with his mom. Eva is an academic. She loves books, watching TV and is very independent. If you put food on her spoon, she is known to wipe it clean in order to feed herself.

With such unique personalities, first-time parents Mandy and Will Duncan from Dallas need all the help they can get from their extended family – including the twins’ birth mom, Jordan, and birth grandparents Jerry and Judy Dixon of Mesquite, Texas.

“We’ve allowed more people into Eva and Aarons’ life that can love them,” said Will. “I don’t want to be the person to limit that.”

When Will and Mandy first considered adoption after struggling with infertility, the concept of open adoption was relatively unknown. But after learning more about it at Buckner adoption seminar and reading several books, “it just really seemed like it made sense,” Will said. “The more I thought about it, I realized all my other relationships that are healthy are based on openness and honesty without somebody mediating them. So why should this be any different?”

They decided to take the first steps toward open adoption, which included submitting their profile and photographs to be placed in “the book.” This book would eventually be the lifeline to their new family.

Meanwhile, Jordan Dixon was trying to leave a broken relationship during her freshman year at Stephen F. Austin University in Nacogdoches, Texas. That’s when she found out she was pregnant.

“My initial feelings were shock,” she said. “I was angry and frustrated, too, because I was doing everything I could to try to get away from this guy who didn’t want to let me go.”

Jordan finished her second semester of school pregnant, unsure what her future would hold. Her dad encouraged her to talk to someone about her options. He found Buckner Adoption and Maternity Services online and gave her the phone number to call.

“The woman I met with at first didn’t end up being my caseworker, but she was still very nice and very understanding. I felt like I could really talk to her. I had a very good first impression,” she said.

Jordan continued meeting with her counselor at Buckner, researching her options and diving into the decision of what was going to be best for her future and the twins she was carrying.

Jordan’s parents, Jerry and Judy, offered Jordan a place to live at home so she could continue school somewhere in the Dallas area while Judy stayed home to care for the baby. But the one thing they made clear to Jordan was that she would be the mom.

 “It was completely her decision to make on her own,” Judy said. “We said we would support her either way. But she had to decide whether she wanted to be a mom right now.”

Jerry took his role as a father carefully; seeking wise Christian counsel, reading his Bible and helping Jordan gather as much information as possible.

“I didn’t want anything bad happening to my grandchildren,” Jerry said. “I wanted the best for them; I wanted the best for Jordan. I didn’t want her to feel trapped and I wanted her to be happy above all else. I also wanted those sweet little children in there to be happy and not have two strikes against them starting out in life.”

For Jordan, the decision came down to one thing: the realization that the life she could offer her children was not the life that was best for either of them.

 “I started understanding that adoption might be a really great alternative,” she said.

That’s when they decided to look through the book. The “book” is an important tool for open adoption – it’s where potential adoptive families introduce themselves to birth mothers, include photos of their family and share dreams for the way they want to parent. Birth parents review the book to find families they think would be a good fit for their child.

Jordan, Jerry and Judy reviewed the book separately, but they all chose the same couple – Will and Mandy. “Before we even laid eyes on them we knew they were the right people,” Jordan said.

Their first match meeting confirmed mutual emotions. Everyone was comfortable and familiar with one another.

“My first impression was she is so tiny, how are there twins inside of her?” Mandy said with a laugh. “The conversation flowed well, we asked questions and Jordan and her parents asked questions. It felt as comfortable as that can feel.”

Will and Mandy endeared themselves to Jerry with their constant affirmation and eye contact with one another.

“Neither of them would answer without looking at the other one,” Jerry said. “You could just tell that they were very nervous about the situation but what you could really tell, at least in my mind, is how close and connected they were to each other.”

About five weeks later on July 24, 2009,  Jordan delivered two healthy babies with Mandy and Will in the hospital nearby. A complicated legal development nearly cancelled the adoption, but Will and Mandy remained faithful, checking in on Jordan and showing the utmost concern for her. A few days later the twins were placed in their home as a legal-risk adoption.

“We were excited that we were bringing them home, but we were very cautious,” Mandy said.

The couple wasn’t sure if they were going to be able to keep the twins or not. After years of waiting for a family, the uncertainty was unbearable. Fortunately, within two months, all the legal issues were resolved and the twins officially became Duncans.

“We love being parents,” Mandy said. “We had been married for nine years and so we were used to going to see a movie, going out to eat, jumping in the car and going. All that’s different now. It takes preparation to go anywhere with two babies.”

“I don’t know what is still the same. I still go to work,” Will joked.

Jordan is satisfied with her decision and still believes it was the right choice for her, Eva and Aaron.

“I just want them to have everything they could possibly want in the whole universe,” Jordan said, “and I have every confidence that where they are right now is exactly where they need to be. That’s how they’re going to get to the places they’re going.”

In the meantime, they will remain surrounded by plenty of doting family members eager to babysit when the invitation arises. Judy and Jerry keep the twins every other Sunday night so Will and Mandy can go on a date. And Jordan comes to visit as much as possible when she’s home from school.

“As difficult as it was and as much flack as Judy and I have received over time for allowing Jordan to do this, I still believe it was the right thing to do. And the relationship we have with Will and Mandy and with the babies I think bears it out for us,” Jerry said.

To learn more about domestic infant adoption and pregnancy counseling with Buckner, visit www.beafamily.org.

By Jenny Pope
Buckner International

MIDLAND, Texas – The Ewing family does everything together – they wash dishes, go grocery shopping, and spend hours play Wii games in the living room.

“We’ve got to do everything together. If we don’t, we won’t have time together,” Robert said.

As a single father to five boys and foster parent to one, Ewing said each day is filled with non-stop activity. Wake up at 5 a.m. Breakfast at 6. Baby goes to daycare. Dad goes to work. Big brother Dominic walks the little ones to the bus stop. Robert gets off work at 2 and picks up the baby while Dominic greets the other boys at the bus. They eat snacks. Do homework. Play, eat and go to bed.

“Then we do it all over again,” he said. “My day is very full, but it’s workable and doable.”

Robert wouldn’t have it any other way.

Adopting six boys was never in Robert’s plan. But after hosting some exchange students in his home more than 16 years ago, he knew parenting was something he could do.

“When I first started the [foster care and adoption] process, CPS told me ‘No way.’ It would never be possible for me as a single male to adopt,” he remembered. But Ewing was persistent. After sitting through hours of pre-service training, he endured a grueling home study process and opened his life to all kinds of scrutiny.

“They took their time, but eventually said OK,” he said.

He was handed multiple anonymous case files of children available for adoption and selected two brothers – Dominic, age 10, who suffered a stroke at age 4; the Damon, age 6, who had severe ADHD. Ewing was familiar with these conditions, he said. His own father suffered from multiple strokes and he was ADHD as a child. When he was later told the boys were African American, it didn’t faze him.

“I was drawn to them,” he said, and in 1995, Domonic and Damon became his sons. One year later, he adopted his third son, Devon. The boys adjusted well in their new family, but Devon continued to struggle with a number of emotional problems. Tragically, on November 17, 2007, he was killed in a high school fight.

Robert and the boys did their best to cope with the grief. Robert worked all the time while Dominic and Damon buried themselves in video games.

“After about a year, I looked up and thought we’ve got to keep moving. It wasn’t healthy,” Robert said.

He knew his older boys would be gone soon and couldn’t bear the thought of an empty home. He had been looking into adoption before Devon passed away, so he decided to go forward with the process and called Buckner. He became licensed as a foster parent but knew he wanted to adopt.

Within a few months, the opportunity was presented to him – three brothers needed a home. And the youngest boy had a special birth date – November 17 – the day Devon died. The minute he saw that date, he knew it was part of God’s plan.

“God made him two years to the day before he knew what was going to happen to Devon. There’s definitely a master plan,” he said. 

The brothers  – Darrios, 7; Dante, 7; and Daeshawn, 5 – were living in a foster home in Dallas, so Robert took his older sons with him for a visit. Dominic and Damon were a bit apprehensive about it at first.

“I didn’t like it,” Dominic said. “I thought we had enough kids. I thought they were going to be my replacement … but they grew on me. Then I started to like them more and more.”

“We’re like their shining knights,” Damon added. “They’re all spoiled, but there’s something special about them.”

On Sept. 30, 2010, the adoption was finalized and the Ewing family grew by three.

Ewing said he wants all of his sons to be “happy, educated, healthy and know they are loved. I strive to lead by example, to show them and live by the RED – respect, equality and dignity.”

Ewing cut back on his work hours so he could spend more time with his kids. He works hard with a team of people – doctors, teachers, psychiatrists and therapists – to help the younger boys reach their full potential. Since coming into his home, all but one has completely stopped taking medication.

“I want to make a difference,” Robert said. “The career part, I had that. My heart is here.”

Reprinted from the Amarillo Globe-News, Oct. 4, 2011

It’s not that Tim and December Barcroft wouldn’t love to be in Washington, D.C., Wednesday. They would be among 150 others nationally to be honored at a gala as part of the Angels in Adoption awards through the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute.

It’s just they can’t.

Tim has a route to run delivering tortillas around the area for J&T Distributing. December, who not surprisingly, was born in December, can’t afford to miss class at West Texas A&M University, where she’s studying to be a teacher. Then there are the girls — Genie, Heavenly and Kelsey — what to do about them?

“It’s probably best we not go,” Tim said. “We’d like to, but just can’t. It’s disappointing, but money was also an issue as well.”

The Barcrofts are a common couple doing an extraordinarily uncommon thing. That’s what foster parents are. They’re like so many on the outside, but inside have an extra dose of love, unselfishness and sacrifice.

Life was peaceful and routine the first five years of their marriage. Maybe too peaceful.

“We were tired of our quiet house,” December said.

They talked of being foster parents for three years. Finally, they enrolled in the foster parents program through Buckner International, training that is intense and rigorous. They had a heart for children, had none of their own, and were eager to have some extra noise in their home.

“Foster parents have to be patient, flexible, giving, and obviously loving,” said Scott Collins, vice president of communications for Buckner. “I think for Tim and December, it was also part of a spiritual calling.”

In March 2009, they became foster parents of two boys, Aaron, 6, and Jason, 9. They were in their home until they returned to their mother the day after Christmas 2009.

“We still pick them up and take them to church every Sunday,” Tim said. “They may not live with us, but they’re still part of our family.”

It’s now a crowded drive to New Life FourSquare Church. A little more than a month after the two brothers left, the Barcrofts received two sisters, Genie, 14, and Heavenly, 6, in January 2010 from the Panhandle Assessment Center. In March of that year, their infant sister, Kelsey, 1, was taken from another foster home to join her sisters.

“It’s been mind-altering, a house full of girls,” said Tim. “I mean, sharing one bathroom, come on. There’s not a moment’s peace with that. It’s been rough, but we love them to death, absolutely love them to death.”

Imagine this challenge: A teenager, one in kindergarten, and one who is now 2 years old. Those are some different needs and priorities with no time for parents to grow into the challenge.

“Kelsey can entertain herself. She’s independent, but very loving,” Tim said. “Heavenly had some severe behavioral issues in the beginning, but she’s come a long way. Genie is Genie. She’s attached and then detached. She has her moments as I’m sure all 14-year-olds do.”

But few have had the baggage the two oldest had been saddled with. What was missing in their lives, as it is with virtually all foster children, is stability, a parental role model who will be there for them.

“We’ve provided them and showed them there are people out there who do love them for who they are,” December said.

The Barcrofts didn’t get to go to the nation’s capital Wednesday, but they did get to go to 108th District Court in Potter County last Thursday. There, before Judge Doug Woodburn, the Barcrofts legally adopted the three girls. No doubt which one meant more.

“Going to Washington would have been pretty cool,” said Tim, “but the real honor is the having these kids for a lifetime.”

But the Barcrofts hope this isn’t the final chapter. They would like to add more foster children and their own biological children one day.

“God’s not done with us yet,” Tim said, “but we’re going to need a bigger home.”

Jon Mark Beilue is a columnist for the Globe-News. He can be reached at jon.beilue@amarillo.com or 806-345-3318. His blog appears on amarillo.com.