Building a Family through Foster Care

By Jenny Pope

Buckner International

SUDAN, Texas – When 10-month-old Samantha arrived in the Baker’s home, she was so weak she couldn’t sit up in her crib.

“She wouldn’t make a noise. She just laid there,” Crystal Baker remembered. “We’d walk in and it was so sad. She’d be laying in her little bed, her eyes never moved. I thought, ‘Why in the world will she not cry?’”

Sam’s older sister Ally, 5, told them. “She would never cry at home. She knew she’d be beat to death if she cried.”

Today, 2-year-old Ally is shy and reserved. She carefully watches new people of the corner of her eye, but eagerly joins her sister Journey when she offers her an apple. She smiles and cries, like a normal 2-year-old girl.

“You heard her, she cries all the time now!” Crystal laughed. “Now she will cry if she needs something, and that’s a good thing because she’s learned that she will be responded to.”

Little transformations mark the big ones in foster families, and no one knows this better than Crystal and Dexter Baker.

As newlyweds, the couple knew they wanted to build their family – the just didn’t know how. After giving birth to their oldest son Dex, now 13, they discovered they were unable to have any more children, though no one could diagnose why.

“We started looking into fostering and adopting and really felt like God was calling us in that direction,” Dexter said.

“It didn’t take us long to figure out why there wasn’t anything wrong with us,” Crystal said. “It was because God had different plans for our life. I am very thankful we were not able to conceive or we wouldn’t have realized the blessings that were out there for us.”

Six blessings, to be exact

The Bakers first fostered and adopted their daughter McKayla, 7, who arrived in their home at 18 months old. They call her their “Polynesian Princess.”

“My little sister McKayla, she’s always been with us,” 13-year-old Dex said.

“Then we got a baby after her and I just thought, we’re supposed to keep her. But then we lost her. That really really hurt; I didn’t ever want to do it again.”

Like most foster children, she was reunited with her birth family. But the Baker family felt the loss.

“I loved that baby. She was my little sister,” Dex said. “I was like, ‘God why did you take her away? We loved her.’ But I guess she just needed to go back and she needed to be with her real mom. And we couldn’t do anything about that.”

The next placement in their home, another baby girl, was also reunited with her father.

“He was a good guy and it was the right thing,” Crystal remembered. “She needed to go back home with him. But still, when it happened, it was hard. But we know that was the season God had for us to be with that child, and that is a blessing.”

The next four placements in their home were a little more permanent. Sisters Ally, 5, and Samantha, 2, and siblings Journey, 2, and Jake, 1, will all claim the Baker name soon enough.

“We are finishing our adoption of Journey and Jake at the end of this month,” Dexter said. “It doesn’t change a lot as far as their living situation, but it’s nice to know that somebody put an official stamp on it and said this is really forever … even though it’s felt like forever for a long time.”

Sisters Ally and Sam are still waiting for rights to be terminated before adoption proceedings can begin. The family expects to move forward later this year.

“We’ve been doing this for six and a half years, and it’s neat to have this part finalized,” Crystal said. “But it’s kind of sad, too.

“Probably, after these children grow up and it’s time for them to leave home, we’ll be fostering again. There are so many kids, but there’s only so much you can do. But we do know that this is something we want to do again.”

As the oldest brother, Dex said he plays an important role in his family of eight.

“I give the kids guidance in the real world where my parents can’t, and help them go through their experiences a little better,” he said.

Dex said he’s learned a lot about prayer and drawing near to God in tough times, and though he doesn’t picture himself as a foster parent one day, he knows this is God’s plan for his family.

“When I saw how terrible of a life these kids must have had before they came to live with us, I thought, ‘You know, life isn’t all about me and what I want to do.’ These kids need a home and they deserve to be in a home as much as I do. It doesn’t matter if I was born here, if this is what God wants my parents to do and this is where God wants these kids to come, they can come here.”

Making the choice

When Crystal and Dexter went to their first PRIDE training class, they were warned about the struggles of children placed in their home. Many come from difficult pasts of abuse and neglect and can act out in their new foster family, she explained.

“The very first class we did, I walked out during the break. We left and I cried the whole way home,” she said. “I was scared. I wanted that perfect child when in reality, even if you have your own child, there’s not guarantee that they will be perfect. Once we started meeting other foster parents, a lot of those fears were gone.”

Crystal and Dexter both stressed the importance of choosing a good agency when looking into fostering or adopting.

“Buckner has been great to work with,” Dexter said. “We talk with a lot of other families and some of the problems or things they go through, either we don’t have those problems or we have such great support that when things do come up, it wasn’t that big of a deal.”

“They care specifically about the children God has for your home,” Crystal said. “And that makes a big difference. And I know I could pick up the phone right now and call any of our caseworkers and they would be here tonight.

“We trust them because in a way, they built our family. Them and God.”

Dexter said if God is leading you to foster, “do it. No matter how hard it seems. It’s the hardest, most challenging most rewarding thing you can do with your life. It’s really worth your time and effort.”

To learn more about becoming a foster parent in Lubbock, call 806-795-7151 or visit www.beafamily.org today.